Gone But Never Forgotten
by JM.Fanatic
Summary: Simon is visiting someone very close to his heart...someone who's gone...someone he'll never forget...


Guess what. I've written another romance. Guess what else. It's another first for me. You'll see what I'm talking about once you read it. Let me warn you. It's pretty sad, so if you're a real cry baby, I suggest you don't read it...But hey,it's your choice. Hope you like it.

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I can barely see the marble head stone in front of me. In addition to the rain that just started pouring down (Of course. It's such a cliché.), my newly found tears are also blurring my eyesight. I've never cried so much for anyone, dead or alive. Then again, I've never been the reason someone died, especially someone I loved so much.

I hugged myself tighter as it was getting cold from the rain and the wind blowing. Not only am I cold on the outside, but on the inside as well. I feel as dead as he is. I feel so guilty and ashamed. Most of all, I feel empty without him. He was my brother, for crying out loud! I can tell everyone else feel differently towards me now. I can tell by the way they look at me. They probably think it's entirely my fault. I don't really disagree with them either. Right now, though, I don't need people looking down at me. I need a family. At the same time, I don't want their condolences. I want them to want to console me, not because they think they have to.

I leaned against a tree he was buried beside as I read the head stone.

'_In memory of our loving brother. Gone but never forgotten.'_

They've never been so right. I'll never forget him…or that day..especially the last words we exchanged…

It was about seven weeks ago. We were all at the studio, and by we, I mean me, Alvin, Theodore, and Dave. We weren't doing much. The producers just wanted us to come by to listen to a few tracks they wanted us to record. Even though he wasn't needed, Dave just wanted to come along. He didn't show up until later, though.

Although I wasn't looking, I could tell Alvin was bored by the way he was rapping his knuckles on the table and blowing out his breath. I wasn't exactly thrilled about being there either, but at least I was making them think I was listening. We had just started listening to the fourth song for that day. The producer kept making comments about each track that I assume neither of us were listening to. Well, neither of us except Dave, and I knew that because he was actually responding to them.

About one minute into the song, Alvin taps me and throws a piece of paper in front of me. I gave him a confused look before picking it up and opening it. All it said was that he wanted to talk to me and that it was important. I looked at him and nodded. He simply smiled and then he whispered something to Theodore. Afterwards, Theodore suddenly looks upset and whispers something back. Alvin then stands up and shrugs. "Just catch a ride with Dave," he suddenly says.

Everyone else looks at him. "What's going on, Alvin?" Dave asks him.

Alvin then starts walking toward the door. "Simon and I need to have a talk. We'll be back later…maybe," he tells him. Then he looks at me and motions for me to follow him. I get up and do just that.

"But what about the tracks?" our producer asks us.

Alvin opens the door and allows me to walk out first. I heard him say, "They were good. Just…email the rest to us or something." And with that, he shuts the door.

Soon after that, we're in his car driving somewhere. I was pretty confused, wondering why he wasn't saying anything when he had something so important to tell me. Just when I was about to bring it up, he says, "I've been thinking a lot lately." That kind of caught me off guard because of how serious he sounded, so I just nodded. "About what you told me last week," he continues and I nod again. He briefly looks at me to say, "I don't want you to do it."

I blinked in surprise. "I'm sorry?" I asked him.

He stopped at a stop light and faced me completely. "I don't want you to go on that trip for a month. I want you to stay here," he said.

I was shocked. A few weeks ago, Dave thought it would be a good idea if I went to a science convention that was in Rome because he thought I would enjoy it. I agreed to go. I told Alvin about it and he seemed fine, but I guess I was wrong. "Why?" I asked him.

He turned away from me just as the light turned green. He began driving again without saying another word. A little while later, we stopped at another light. That's when he finally said, "Because…I don't want you to end up with someone else…"

I was really confused by that statement. "What are you talking about?"

What he did next really shocked me. He faced me again and grabbed me by my shirt, pulling me closer. "Simon, there's a possible chance you could get with someone in Rome and can't have that, because…because..I love you," he said quickly, and then, just as quick as he said that, he kissed me.

I couldn't even begin to process what was going on at that moment. All I knew was that I didn't like it one bit. With that in mind, I pushed him away and wiped my mouth. "Alvin, what the hell was that?!" I demanded from him.

He just looked down. "Simon, I'm sorry," he whispered.

I shook my head violently. "Alvin, I'm your bother! But yet you have made it abundantly clear from your actions that that simple fact means nothing to you!" I yelled. "You never cease to amaze me. Just when I think that you have become a decent person, you go and do this? I know we don't usually see eye to eye, but I would never do anything that would hurt or degrade you in any shape or form. I can't even look at you right now, because I know if I do, I would strike you in a way that is both sadistic and irrational. Alvin, this time, you have truly gone too far." By the time I finished, he had started driving again. I simply refused to look at him. I didn't know why I was so upset at him, but I was. I really couldn't believe he kissed me. It really was a new low for him.

Suddenly, I heard him sniffle and that caused me to look at him. I caught him wiping his eyes with his sleeve and immediately, I felt a little bad. I started thinking that maybe I shouldn't have snapped at him. Suddenly, he whispered, "I love you, Simon. I can't change that. I didn't mean to hurt you or make you angry, but I had to tell you."

For some reason that anger came back. "No you don't! You don't love me, Alvin! Stop messing with me," I spat.

He looked at me, finally, and he looked really hurt, but I could see a hint of anger in his eyes. "I'm not messing with you, Simon!" he snapped. "Why would I joke about something like this?"

I glared at him. "I don't know, Alvin, you tell me." He continued to stare at me with that same look. I looked away from him just in time to see that we were crossing into the other lane and going head on with another car. My eyes widened and I pointed ahead of us. "ALVIN, LOOK OUT!!!"

But it was too late. By the time Alvin noticed the car, we had already collided with it. Alvin's car started spinning out of control and then, it started flipping. I closed my eyes and prepared myself for the worst. That included death. It went on for what seemed like forever. When it finally stopped, I opened my eyes to see not only that I wasn't dead, but also that the car had landed the right way up. I couldn't move that much; my head hurt so badly. I slowly turned my head to see if Alvin was okay. To my surprise, he wasn't there. I started to panic. Somehow, though I'm not exactly sure, I got out of my seatbelt and climbed out of the broken window.

I tried to stand, but my entire body ached. Suddenly, I heard someone scream, "I think he's still breathing!"

I used the car to push myself up and I looked around until I saw a crowd of people a few yards away. A few people started running over to me. They all started asking if I was okay and suggested that I should sit and wait for the ambulance, but I ignored them. My mind was set on seeing if Alvin was okay. I pushed past them and stumbled toward the crowd. Once I reached them, I pushed past them as well. I was certain they were surrounding Alvin, but I was hoping they weren't.

To my dismay, they were. I saw Alvin lying on the pavement, covered in glass and blood and not moving. I fell on the ground and crawled over to him. I could already feel tears welling up in my eyes. When I reached him, I sat on the ground beside him and with much effort, I picked him up in my arms. His face was cut up and covered in blood.

"Alvin?" I whispered but he didn't respond. Come to think of it, he didn't respond when I had picked him up. I gently shook him and he still didn't respond. I felt the tears start rolling down my face. I looked down and I saw that his chest wasn't moving. I checked his wrist for a pulse and there wasn't one. "Alvin?" I tried again, half expecting him to wake up. "Alvin, pl…please, I'm…I'm sorry…"

I was bawling then as I held him tighter and buried my head in his chest. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to believe that my brother was dead. I didn't want to believe that we just got in a car accident, that we had that argument, that he kissed me. I just wanted wished that none of it was real, that none of it had happened. The harsh reality that it had sunk in when I heard sirens in the distance.

Dave and Theodore showed up at the hospital not long after we got there. They asked me what happened, but I couldn't bring myself to tell them. I just started crying again. I couldn't stop crying for days, especially at the funeral that was merely five days after the accident.

And now here I am. At his grave site once again. This is third time since the funeral. I can't help it. I feel that this is the least I can do since I caused him to die. Every time I come out here, I find myself thinking. Actually, it's more like wishing. I always wish that somehow, I could turn back the hands of time to before we left the studio and I never agreed to talk to him. Most of all, I wish that it was me instead of him. He definitely didn't deserve it. All he did was share his feelings with me and I overreacted and caused him to take his attention off the road.

I dropped my head as the guilt was becoming overwhelming. I covered my face with hands and cried in them. I really can't understand why it had to be him. Sure, he was a nuisance at times, but that was how he was and now, because of me, he can't be anymore. If anyone should've gotten thrown from the car, it should've been me. I can't believe I was so harsh. That's just not like me at all. I blowing up and acting so irrational caused Alvin his life and me, a brother.

I'll never forget you, Alvin. You'll always be in my heart. I'm so sorry. Though it doesn't change what happened, just know that's it's true and that I'll always love you.

--

So...? You know the deal...

Jade


End file.
